It's Official

My life will never be the same. I started writing this the day little sweet Alexis adoption was final and I was unable to finish and have tried many of times and just have not been able to do it. I have had little reminders that I haven't blogged but knew I wanted to write down my feelings but have not been able too. We just arranged to see Allie this weekend so I hope my excitement will help cover my sadness a bit. A day does not go by that we do not talk about Allie. She is so much part of our lives. My heart is always heavy with a deep sadness. They said it would get easier well it hasn't. I go through the day where I feel I can't breathe or my heart feels like it skips a beat. I walk around not feeling whole. The only time I feel complete is when we get to see her and I can hold her close. It has been over 2 months since we have seen her. Every where we go and everything we do we talk about her. The only thing that brings me a bit of comfort is knowing she is with her Mommy and Daddy and siblings who love her as much as we do. I am thankful her family understands her. They understood when she cried and held her. I didn't have to worry about someone just ignoring why she was crying. Yes she was a bit spoiled from being held so much but it was real and the separation was real in her heart and they understood that and comforted her. She has been such a gift to us that I will never be able to put into words and I cannot imagine her not being in our lives. I try not to bug them to see her but I can't tell you the joy that she brings to our lives and the comfort she brings getting to see her. I usually wait until I hear Jon say something where I think it may be helpful for them for us to pick her up. I know I should not feel guilty for asking to see her. I know they take trips and go out so they are okay with being a part but I just hate interrupting their lives so I try to keep my distance but that little angel has part of my heart, okay all of it. I had someone ask me with all the emptiness and sadness I feel sometimes if I had it to do over again would I? Ummmm ya. I cannot imagine not having her in our lives. I know we all have had to adjust but we did a great thing and I do find comfort in that. When I see sadness in my children's eyes it makes me sad. But now they know what a difference people can make in someones lives. I love that little girl more then I can ever put into words and we are sooooo excited to see her this weekend. I love the smiles my family gets on their faces just knowing we get to see her. I have soooooooo many emotions and feelings and thoughts that I need to write but I think that will be a different time and place. I love our little Pookie, my heart, my love.

Random Denver

While in Denver there were groundhogs everywhere. They were too cute. Everyone got a kick out of them. We got to see a family of geese. I didn't realize their babies were so big. Cute little family. And Troy in the cowboy hat. Love him.

Mother's Day

The thing I love the most is spending time with my kids. Any day is great but this year we got to spend quite a bit of time together on Mother's Day. We went to breakfast and althougt Katie ate with her family it was me, Jim, Troy, Tim, Tina, Justin and Liz. It was a nice outing. We went to a Diamondbacks game but due to work and other family committments Katie and Justin could not make it but I am sure we will get another one in. It wasn't the best game but it was definately the best company. Observing my children being together and then seeing young families and their small children doing small children things makes my heart happy for Jon, Jaimee, Brookly, Alexix, Tyler and Tanner. What a blessing.

Denver - Soccer and College

Memorial Day took us to Denver for a college showcase. Troy and his team played well. The best part is I think they had a great time. We visited University of Colorado at Colorado Springs. It was weird to think Troy will be off to college in a few years. He is not sure if he wants to play college ball or just focus on school. We visited the school, Garden of the Gods, Santa's North Pole, and the Caves of the Wind where we took a lantern tour, went a mile into a cave with a candle and when we got all the way in the guide had us blow them out. WHAT? I am pretty sure I am nuts. We also went to the Rapid's game. It was a great weekend. Great soccer, site seeing and great people. We are truly blessed.

School Ends

With the last days of school all the kids are breathing a little easier. Tim will graduate in December. Yahoo!!! Tina will take a biology class over the summer and get ready to the NET test and Troy he had some big decisions to make about his schedule. Hopefully he has learned he has to put forth some effort if he plans on taking on the path of medicine. Next year will be big for him. This year will be a biggie for all of them.

Soccer Soccer Soccer

Troy's team didn't do as well as they hoped in State but learned some new ideas with Tony C. Hopefully his input will be carried forward. One of the things he told Troy was with his cute face (okay those are my words) he could foul and get away with it and he wanted him to go in hard so people remembered him.

Can She Get Any Cuter?

Along with Tim and Katie's housewarming we got to have a extra guest of honor. That's right. Alexis. Have I mentioned how sweet and cute she is. She is a traffic stopper. So so sweet. We love spending time with her so much. Grandma and Grandma Smith, with their other too cute for words granddaughter Brooklyn, stopped at the housewarming as well and Jon and Jaimee. It was so delightful. At Troy's game Alexis ate an entire churro. I wish I could have that girls metabolism.

Tim & Katies Housewarming

Tim and Katie and a few friends busted their tails to get their house ready for their housewarming. I don't know how many tons of rock they shoveled and plants they planted but they did it all in just a few days. Along with hanging pictures etc. I am disappointed in myself I didn't take more pictures but I get side tracked just enjoying the moment. Darn it. Their housewarming was a great success. Dawn cooked food and Cathy and Tina helped set everything out and get it going. I love my family. Cathy stayed start to finish. Tina is so willing to always help. She is such a great sister, daughter, friend.

Friends Forever

I am so glad Tina has Liz for a friend. I think they both are very true to themselves and what they believe in. They are so beautiful with such promising futures.

Troy Full of Spirit

Troy loves to participate in spirit week. Tina is always so good about helping him. This year they tie dyed shirts together. This was him on bling day. Wish I would have gotten a picture of him with the afro wig.

Easter Celebrating and Sadness

We love Easter. Tina and Troy are so good about humoring me with coloring Easter Eggs and doing a hunt. We usually try to get together but it seems everyone was heading different directions this year. Laurie reserved a ramada which normally would have kept us happy all day but it was moving day for Tim. It's weird that you know you are going to be sad but still nothing prepares you for that lonely drive to his house with your truck full of his last load of stuff. I cried like a big baby. I couldn't even talk when we got to their house. The ride home wasn't any better. He was sad too and wanted to know if he could have Lulu. I was like 'within the last 7 or so months I had to drive Alexis to her home and now you. I can't give Lulu up too even if she is a pain in the tail'. I wonder if my heart will ever be the same. Next will be Tina my only baby girl who is such a part of what I do and then Troy, my baby, who completes my life. Sigh.

Forgetting So Much

So it's been months since I posted anything and I am sure I have forgotten things. I make myself so mad. I am going to try and post a few things.